take all precautions 5.tap.0-03 Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

No. 390

FROM: Washington (Nomura)

TO: Tokyo

11 March 1941

# 138.

(Abstract)

The British Ambassador said as follows:

Neither the U.S. nor England desire trouble in the Far East, but if the worst comes to worst the U.S. will back up England. According to newspapers, the situation has eased somewhat in the Far East but it is still threatening.

Trans. 3-13-41

No. 391

FROM: Tokyo

TO: London

April 5, 1941

# 116.

Very secret. Re your # 227 [a].

Your suggestion seems reasonable, and we would like to have you continue negotiations on the basis of Britain’s proposal. We are giving study to a suggested revision to their plan, and will cable it as soon as it is finished —– break in the negotiations —–.

[a] Not available.

Trans. 4-8-41

No. 392

FROM: Havana (Nanjo)

TO: Tokyo (Gaimudaijin)

January 25, 1941

# 004.

A message sent from this office to the Consul at Bombay on the 14th (57 words, in the same code as this message, with the address and this minister’s name in English) was seized by the censor in India on the grounds of code messages being prohibited. We have protested through the telegram company, but to no avail. Please take the matter up from your office.

Trans. 1-28-41

Page A-205

No. 393

FROM: Tokyo (Japanese Foreign Minister)

TO: London (Japanese Ambassador)

13 February 1941

# 043.

On the 8th, Yamasita Steamship’s Yamafuji was stopped by a British armed merchant vessel at the entrance to the Gulf of Persia. All mail was removed. Representations have been made to British Ambassador. Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Trans. 2-25-41

No. 394

FROM: Manila (Nihro)

TO: Tokyo (Gaimudaijin)

April 21, 1941

# 225.

(Abstract)

For the past year British authorities at Hongkong have been examining all mail carried on vessels touching Hongkong. This had delayed delivery considerably and some mail has failed to reach us. Therefore, please notify the Ministry of Communications to avoid vessels touching Hongkong, when sending mail, etc.

Trans. 5-2-41

No. 395

FROM: Batavia (Isizawa)

TO: Tokyo

February 22, 1941

# 162.

To be handled in Government Code.

Recently the following personal dialogue took place between myself and HOFSTRAATEN [a]. I endeavored to put him aright on points in which he lacked sufficient understanding but am reporting what was said for your information.

ISIZAWA: “Lately Australian and Netherlands newspapers have been reporting rumors of an impending crisis between Japan and the United States. Since there is no reason for thinking that a clash between the two nations is imminent I am at a loss to understand wherein lies the real meaning of these reports.”

HOFSTRAATEN: “We cannot view the situation as optimistically as you. Japan has placed soldiers in French Indo-China and is also doing a lot of fussing around in Thailand. It is hard to believe that her power will not be extended south of French Indo-China and that it will not only become a threat to Singapore but to the Dutch East Indies as well. England and America cannot be expected to remain blind spectators to all of this, and it is herein that the possibility of a Japanese-American conflict lies.”

ISIZAWA: “Japan’s demands upon French Indo-China and Thailand are being conducted through peaceful and diplomatic negotiations and for this reason England and America have no occasion for objecting. Anyway, the American fleet is not yet strong enough to attack Japan and this is another reason why no war is possible.”

HOFSTRAATEN: “No, you are badly mistaken there. I am satisfied from what I have heard from American naval officers that they could sink the Japanese navy within six weeks.”

ISIZAWA: “On the contrary, I have been told by Japanese navy men that in the event of an attack our ships could sink the entire American fleet within two weeks.”

Page A-206

HOFSTRAATEN: “Well, all that is beside the point. By the time Japan begins to directly threaten Singapore her supply lines from other places will be cut off and, moreover, the United States will stop all her exports to Thailand and Japan. You may be sure that the Dutch East Indies, too, know which side of the bread their butter is on and will hardly fail to adopt the same course. When all this happens it will not take a long time for poor-in-resources Japan to collapse.”

ISIZAWA: “Japan’s power of resistance is not as weak as you think, and if she finds out that the Dutch are working hand in hand with England and America her policy toward the Dutch East Indies will become extremely severe.”

[a] Assistant to the Director of Economic Affairs, N.E.I.

Trans. 2-28-41

No. 396

FROM: Bangkok (Futami)  Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

TO: Tokyo

February 24, 1941

# 129.

Strictly secret. To be handled in Government code.

We have found a way to secure the secret documents and messages sent from the Netherlands Ministry here in Bangkok which we believe should be of considerable interest. Therefore, in order to translate these, please dispatch a secretary who understands the Dutch language to serve full time in this office. If that is impossible, send one here temporarily.

Trans. 3-1-41

No. 397

FROM: Tokyo (Matsuoka)

TO: Bangkok

April 24, 1941

# 222.

Strictly secret outside the department.

To be handled in Government code.

Re my # 167 [a].

According to an unimpeachable report, as a result of a secret investigation recently carried on by the Netherlands Ministry in Bangkok, it was found that a native employee of this ministry had possession of keys to all the safes and was in contact with the Japanese Military Attaché. A British Attaché in Bangkok has made a telegraphic report of these facts so, for the time being, please stop the schemes we had afoot.

[a] Tokyo tells Bangkok telegraphic clerk IT O will leave Tokyo on the 5th in order to transmit intelligence received directly.

Trans. 4-26-41

Page A-207

No. 398

FROM: Batavia (Daihyo)

TO: Tokyo

January 17, 1941

# 25.

Part 2 of 3 [a].

Referring particularly to marine industry among other industries, HO [b] said: “I would like to have your attention called particularly to the following three points:

(1) Not only among the officials of the government but also among the people at large, what the Japanese fishermen along the Dutch East Indies Coast have been doing for the last several years has caused a great deal of antipathy.

(2) Setting aside the question of our attitude in time of peace, today, when in a total war declared against Germany and when martial law is in effect over the entire Dutch East Indies, we are unwilling to allow more Japanese fishermen to come to these shores.

(3) We, in the Dutch East Indies, want to encourage fishery among the natives and thus enable them to increase their food supply and for this reason we would like to reserve all profitable fishing zones for their use.”  Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

In response to this, ISIZAWA emphatically stated: “You cannot contribute towards improvement of the economic relations between the two countries by digging up instances from the past. Now, if the authorities would concede to the wishes of the Japanese Government regarding fishery conducted by Japanese fishermen in the Dutch East Indies waters, the Japanese Government will in earnest take up the work of educating the fishermen and overseeing them so that no questions will come up between them and the Dutch East Indies authorities. Although the Dutch East Indies are under martial law, they are not facing the danger of war; and furthermore, are not the Japanese fishermen at present engaged in their work without causing any question to arise? Since we are not unwilling to avoid competition with the native fishermen, there is no reason for objecting to our wishes.”

The question of communication:

HO pointed out that since there is a powerful wireless telegraph and telephone system between Japan and the Dutch East Indies, he could not see any necessity of laying a cable line between these two countries. ISIZAWA explained: “What the Japanese Government is planning to lay is a cable line which has the highest efficiency in transmission of telegram, photographs, etc., and which does away with function in a new way with an efficiency all the shortcomings of the radio. Furthermore, it will function in a new way with an efficiency several times greater than the radio and would be very necessary in promoting both friendly relations and economic cooperation between the two countries. In fact, the Dutch East Indies also will greatly benefit from such a cable system.”

[a] Not available.

[b] HOFSTRAATEN, Assistant to the Director of Economic Affairs.

Trans. 1-22-41

No. 399

FROM: Batavia (Isizawa)

TO: Tokyo

January 10, 1941

# 32.

Re my # 22 [a] and # 29 [a].

As police surveillance and control by the N.E.I. authorities over our nationals here is steadily increasing, as you predicted in your successive reports, I plan to destroy the secret documents

Page A-208

relating to our schemes for the natives and Chinese residents (including wires) gradually. I would like to take all precautions, if worse comes to worse, for any eventuality. Please wire your answer to this.

[a] Not available.

Trans. 1-11-41

gathering intelligence material 5.r.5 Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

No. 122

FROM: Tokyo (Matsuoka)

TO: Mexico City (Koshi)

January 31, 1941

# 020.

So that we may better know how to manage our telegraphic work without interruption in the event that the U.S. becomes involved in the war, will you please advise us of the financial background of the telegraph companies in the country to which you are accredited, with particular notes as to their relations with the Mexican government and the U.S.

Secret.

Trans. 2-6-41

No. 123

FROM: Mexico City (Miura)

TO: Tokyo (Gaimudaijin)

January 25, 1941

# 031.

Action Washington as # 004.

(Strictly confidential).

In exchange for recognizing the Camacho regime, a number of agreements were entered into between the U.S. and Mexico. These agreements which were mainly of a military nature, were signed on November 14th.

Recently, our military attaché was able to secure a copy of these agreements, under cover of strict secrecy. The copy has been transmitted to Japan in the army code. Please be advised of its contents through the army.

Trans.  1-31-41

No. 124

FROM: Santiago (Kawasaki)

TO: Tokyo

February 4, 1941

# 19.

Re your message to Mexico # 20 [a].

See my # 77 [b] of last year.

Transradio is a German company. Because of the European war, this country’s dependence upon the United States has increased, and because of the various policies of the United States which have lately become active, relations between the two countries are becoming more intimate. Even the Socialist Party, which was traditionally anti-American, has about-faced. Therefore, I fear that when the United States enters the war, this country will necessarily have to take the position of a non-belligerent.

[a] See I, 122.

[b] Not available.

Trans. 2-17-41

PAGE A-79

No. 125

FROM: Bogotá (Watanabe)

TO: Tokyo

February 6, 1941

# 3.

Re your # 20 [a] addressed to our Embassy (?) in Mexico.

1. There are two telegraph companies in this country, the All-America (an American Company), and the Marconi (an English company). In case the United States joins the war, we have no way but to make use of the government wireless station in this country. However, the sending apparatus used in this country is sufficient only for communicating to neighboring countries. Messages for distant countries are sent through the neighboring countries, those for Japan being sent via Panama.

2. Even if the United States joins the war, this country because of its domestic political situation, may be expected to remain neutral. According to what the Spanish Minister here told me, if the present government of this country joins the war, there will be an (uprising ?) in this country.

3. As an experiment, I have sent this message via the aforementioned station and so if you find anything irregular about —–, please reply by wire.

[a] See I, 122.

Trans.  2-25-41

No. 126

FROM: Buenos Aires (Omori)

TO: Tokyo (Gaimudaijin)

Re your message No. 20 [a] to Mexico.

February 6, 1941 # 034.

1. The Transradio is the only company in Argentina. Seventy five percent of its capital came from Argentina, while the remaining 25% was divided up among Britain (Marconi Wireless), U.S. (R.C.A.), France (Radio France), Germany (Telefunken), and Italy (Italo Radio). Each of the above named firms put up material or parts amounting to 5% of the total capital. Hence, this company is not connected with the government of this country or with that of the United States.

Foreign telegraph companies here are the Western (British), all America (U.S.), and the ITARUKABURE (Italian).

2. The Transradio is exceedingly reliable. Our Embassy as well as those of Germany and Italy have been making use of its services, and

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have found nothing to complain about. Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

[a] Requests report on telegraph companies, with particular note as to their relations with U.S. and Mexican governments. See I, 122.

Trans. 2-12-41

Page A-80

No. 127

FROM: Lima (Yodokawa)

TO: Tokyo (Gaimudaijin)

February 7, 1941

# 021.

Regarding your message No. 20 [a] to Mexico.

It is still a big question mark as to whether this country could maintain neutrality in the event that the U.S. becomes a belligerent. However, we shall proceed under the assumption that it will remain neutral for a while at least.

(1) Two firms, the All America Cable, (U.S. capital), and the West Coast of America Telegraph (British capital), have a complete monopoly on all telegraphic material. Therefore, we may encounter considerable difficulty in maintaining direct telegraphic communication with Japan.

(2) Mail in this country is handled by the Marconi Company, (British), under contract from the government. In spite of the fact that the German Legation’s mail within the country is being interfered with, the government refuses to do anything about it. From this, we may assume that even should the telegraph companies not work in accordance with the rules, we can expect little satisfaction from this government.

(3) We believe that our best bet is to rely upon the radio of Argentina, which will probably remain neutral for some time, to relay our messages.

[a] See I, 122.

Trans.  2-15-41

No. 128

FROM: Rio de Janeiro (Ishii)

TO: Caracas (Koshi)

February 17, 1941

# 039.

(Circular). (In 2 parts-complete).

Originated Mexico City as Circular # 15 on 8 February.

Action Mexico City to Tokyo as # 57 on 8 February.

Concerning your secret telegram # 20 [a].

1. There are only two companies in this country which handle foreign telegrams.

No. 1 is the “Mexican Radio”. It is government established and is under the Department of Communications. This company handles wireless messages for Japan, Europe, Central America —– via America.

No. 2 is the “Mexican Telegraphic Company”, otherwise known as “Western Union”, capitalized at $2,000,000 of which 60% is invested in Western Union and —– % in All American Cables and —– . It has a “concession” on foreign communications from this country. Communication with Japan goes by way of Mackay in San Francisco.

In case America enters the war this second company will interrupt service to Japan but as long as this country maintains its neutrality communications can be carried on by use of company No. 1. Viewing present relations with America, it is plain that pressure is being, applied to this country. Messages are delayed and other inconveniences are occurring; hence it is necessary to exercise precautions.

Page A-81

has been relayed to the U.S., Cuba, Panama, and Brazil. Brazil please broadcast to our offices in South America.

[a] In order to avoid interruption to our telegraphic work in the event U.S. enters the war, advise us of the financial background, in relation to U.S. and Mexico, of the telegraph companies in the country to which you are accredited. See I, 122.

Trans. 3-20-41

No. 129

FROM: Tokyo (Matsuoka)

TO: Mexico City (Koshi)

February 5, 1941

# 239.

(Circular) (In 2 parts—complete).

In view of the critical times we wish to revise our information policy of our offices in South and Central America, along the following lines:

(1) Investigate the general national strength of the United States.

(2) Investigate the United States policy towards South and Central America.

(3) Investigate the extent of South and Central America’s participation in the policy of the United States.

(4) Investigate the extent of competition between Germany, Italy and the United States in South and Central America.

1. Appoint persons to direct these investigations and report their names.

2. Consider plans to use South and Central America for obtaining information regarding the United States in the event that that country is drawn into war, and have an information gathering machinery ready for operation when that situation occurs.

3. Keep a close contact with the German and Italian organs (of information).

4. To organize Japanese residents, including newspaper men and business firms for the purpose of gathering information. Care should be taken not to give cause for suspicion of espionage activities.

5. To formulate a suitable plan for dispatching information obtained under any condition.

Relay to Chile, Peru, Panama, Argentina (?), Venezuela (?), and Brazil and retransmit by code to Santos and Ribeiro Preto.

Trans. 2-14-41

No. 130

FROM: Tokyo (Matsuoka)

TO: Rio de Janeiro (Koshi)

February 19, 1941

# 033.

Re my Circular # 239 [a].

So that we may keep abreast of—and be in a better position to counter—recent U.S. manipulations in Central and South America, please advise us of the steps being taken by Germany, Italy, and Spain. We believe that information on the following points with regard to the country (or countries) to which you are accredited will greatly aid us in determining our course of action.

(1) How are the above mentioned three countries handling political, economic, propaganda, and anti-Communism matters?

Page A-82

(2) Official and public attitude and reaction to the above.

(3) Number of persons on the staff and employed by the offices of the above mentioned three countries.

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(4) Has there been an increase in the influx of nationals of those three countries?

(5) All other items which may be of value in determining our policy.

Please send the outline of your findings in so far as the measures taken by Germany are concerned, by cable.

[a] Outline of revised policy to be followed by Japanese offices in South and Central America in investigation activities. See I, 129.

Trans. 3-6-41

No. 131

FROM: Tokyo (Matsuoka)

TO: Washington (Koshi)

February 15, 1941

# 073.

(2 parts—complete)

Re my # 43 [a].

The information we particularly desire with regard to intelligence involving U.S. and Canada, are the following:

1. Strengthening or supplementing of military preparations on the Pacific Coast and the Hawaii area; amount and type of stores and supplies; alterations to air ports (also carefully note the clipper traffic).

2. Ship and plane movements (particularly of the large bombers and sea planes).

3. Whether or not merchant vessels are being requisitioned by the government (also note any deviations from regular schedules), and whether any remodeling is being done to them.

4. Calling up of army and navy personnel, their training, (outlook on maneuvers) and movements.

5. Words and acts of minor army and navy personnel.

6. Outlook of drafting men from the view-point of race. Particularly, whether Negroes are being drafted, and if so, under what conditions.

7. Personnel being graduated and enrolled in the army and navy and aviation service schools.

8. Whether or not any troops are being dispatched to the South Pacific by transports; if there are such instances, give description.

9. Outlook of the developments in the expansion of arms and the production set-up; the capacity of airplane production; increase in the ranks of labor.

10. General outlooks on Alaska and the Aleutian Islands, with particular stress on items involving plane movements and shipment of military supplies to those localities.

11. Outlook on U.S. defense set-ups.

12. Contacts (including plane connections) with Central and South America and the South Pacific area. Also outlook on shipment of military supplies to those areas.

Please forward copies of this message as a “Minister’s Instruction” to New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Seattle, Portland, (Chicago or New Orleans ?) Vancouver, Ottawa, and Honolulu. Also to Mexico City and Panama as reference material.

[a] “We have decided to de-emphasize our propaganda work and strengthen out intelligence work in the U.S.” See I, 118.

Trans. 2-20-41

Page A-83

No. 132

FROM: Tokyo (Matsuoka)

TO: San Francisco (Riyoji)

February 15, 1941

# 020.

Secret.

Re my # 73 to Washington [a].

Will your office please pay particular attention to gathering intelligence material which will fall under the classifications outlined in paragraphs 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, and 12.

[a] Outlines details of intelligence information desired. See I, 131.

Trans. 2-20-41

No. 133

FROM: Tokyo (Matsuoka)

TO: Los Angeles (Riyoji)

February 15, 1941

# 013.

Secret.

Re my # 73 to Washington.

In connection with collecting intelligence material, your office will pay particular attention to contents of paragraphs 1, 2, 8, 9 and 11.

Trans. 2-20-41

No. 134

FROM: Tokyo (Matsuoka)

TO: New York (Riyoji)

February 15, 1941

# 018.

Re my # 73 to Washington.

In gathering intelligence material, your office will pay particular attention to contents of paragraphs 4, 6, 7, and 9.

Trans. 2-20-41

No. 135

FROM: Tokyo (Japanese Foreign Minister)

TO: Vancouver (Japanese Consul)

February 15, 1941

# 008.

Secret.

Re my # 73 to Washington.

In gathering intelligence material, your office will lay particular stress on paragraph 10. Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Trans. 2-20-41

Page A-84

Synopsis

It’s Pinewood Derby time in South Park, and Stan and Randy are working furiously to build the best car possible. While working on the Derby car, Randy has acquired a very special component to help Stan secure a first place victory.

Full Recap

Randy is helping Stan with his Pinewood Derby entry in the wee hours of the morning. Randy adds a something a little extra to the car. Stan sees a news report from the Hadron Particle Super Collider in Switzerland that talks about the theft of a special superconducting magnet. Stan has a feeling that his dad was involved, when he sees the surveillance tape showing his dad dressed like Princess Leia Organa. At the derby event, Randy tells Stan there is a time to learn when to lie, and Stan might as well learn now. He gets Stan to swear that the derby entry was built entirely from the contents of the approved kit.

http://LOUIS-J-SHEEHAN.US

The race takes place. Stan’s car is a little behind when all of a sudden it takes off like a bullet, it shoots off the track, through the side of the building and off into the sky. Soon the car makes it way into outer space. Stan and his father are celebrated for their breaking of the derby record, but also for their bending of time and space and the discovery of warp speed. The car tumbles through deep space until it encounters and alien spacecraft. Agents Clark and Marx come to the Marsh home, and they tell him that they’ve made first contact with an alien life force. The aliens want to meet the people who’ve brought warp drive technology to Earth. The world holds its breath as an alien spacecraft lands in South Park. The door of the spacecraft opens and an alien emerges.

http://Louis-J_sheehan.us

The alien asks for those who built this (the pinewood derby car). When Randy announces that it was he and his son, the alien pulls out a gun and demands that they build another for him. The alien is notorious gangster and the warp drive on his spacecraft is damaged. He wants Randy and Stan to build him a new one — since it only takes the official Pinewood Derby kit to do it, it should be no problem. Randy reluctantly agrees that they can do it.

Randy and Stan are desperately trying to build a new Pinewood derby car. Stan tells his dad that they should come clean and tell the truth, but Randy won’t hear of it. When the Intergalactic Police are on their way, the alien cloaks his ship and takes Stan hostage. The alien has no intention of going to Space Jail. The police arrive and start asking questions, Randy tells them they haven’t seen any alien (or any space cash) and he gets the world’s leader to say the same (since he has them all on the phone). One of the police being notes that if they didn’t see anything and that hadn’t met any aliens before, it seems strange that no one is excited by their first contact with aliens (the police). The police leave, but one of them notes that something didn’t feel right. Randy and Stan resume building the derby car. Randy gives Stan a shank (shiv) and tells him that he has to kill the alien. Stan does manage to stab in the neck and kills the alien. They uncloak the alien ship and go inside and check it out. Randy tells Stan that it is over now, and they’ll never have to lie again. That is until he goes inside and like everyone else sees the piles of space cash. Randy convinces everyone that they don’t need to call the police back, they decide he’s right and they put the space cash into boxes. Randy gets a call from all the world leaders, everyone wants their cut of the space cash. Four days pass and technicians are checking out the alien spacecraft when the Intergalactic Police return. Randy admits to them about the presence of the alien, who they killed, but he denies that they found any space cash. The police say that they’ve been observing the planet and note that they’ve seen a lot of growth (32 hospitals and 7 water parks) in the past four days in an area known as Mexico. After the police leave, Randy asks that someone who speaks Spanish yell at the Mexicans.

Stan looks at his derby trophy and the events of the last few days. Randy is on the phone with world leaders and he hears that Finland is planning on telling the police about the space cash. Randy asks Finland to get off the phone, while he and the other countries decide what to do to take care of the problem. Several countries launch missiles at Finland and blow it up. The Intergalactic Police return, there are puzzled about the loss of Finland. Randy and everyone (including the world leaders) act surprised. Stan decides to make an announcement, he confesses to cheating on the Pinewood Derby car. Stan wants to stop the endless lies that have come out of this. The police find Stan’s words inspirational and ask Randy and the world leaders if they have anything else to tell them. They all respond no changes to their story. The two police officers call back to their ship and the original alien “gangster” comes out, it turns out that he is the ambassador to new planet testing. And they were testing the people of Earth to see if they were worthy of joining the Federation of Planets. Earth has failed the test, since we did not return the space cash. Therefore Earth is “blocked off and barred” from the rest of the universe.

wii 4.wii.001001 Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Synopsis

Last week, in an attempt to make his wait for the Wii instantaneous, Cartman froze himself. Through a bizarre twist of fate, he woke up 500 years in the future, where there are warring factions, some angry sea otters, and worst of all: No Nintendo Wii! Will Cartman get out of this crazy future? Or will he be doomed to never get his hands on the Wii?  Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Full Recap

Last week is briefly recapped and Cartman a la Buck Rogers is still 500 years in the future, where the sea otters ride ostriches. The otters bring Cartman to New New Hampshire’s Museum of Technology, where Cartman finally gets his hands on a Nintendo Wii. Cartman double crosses the otters and returns to UAA headquarters. He gives them the information crystal they want and he Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire wants a maintenance guy to hook up his Wii to his float screen. However, the maintenance guy can’t make such old technology work with the float screen. Cartman is sick of the future. Even Cartman’s old friend K-10 won’t make him happy. The information crystal has given the UAA knowledge on where the AAA will be digging for clams. The organizations are at odds because they each have a different answer to the great question. The UAL is aware of what both the UAA and AAA are up to. The UAL knows that their answer is the correct one and they plan an attack. While hating future TV, Cartman sees an ad for a “Crank Prank Timephone” and decides he needs to get one so that he can call himself in the past and keep from freezing himself. When he can’t pay the 6000 credits for one, he has his robot dog K-10 access the store’s records so that he can find someone who’s recently bought one. Meanwhile the AAA awaits the UAL and UAA’s impending battle and they intended to come in and attack both.
Back in the distant past someone has just gotten a crank call from the future, from the boys whose “Crank Prank Timephone” Cartman steals. The AAA prepares for battle, but they get some advice from a wise one that they decide not to head. Back in South Park of the past Cartman receives a call from his future self and his future self can’t believe what an asshole he is. When that doesn’t work, he calls Butters, who only gets confused. Future Cartman still can’t convince himself when his past self gets on the line. The UAA starts their attack on the AAA, and while their city is unprotected the UAL begins their attack on the UAA. Cartman calls Kyle in the past, but he can’t convince Kyle that he is call from the future and Kyle should stop him. He even offers to suck Kyle’s balls dry. Cartman’s call causes Kyle to miss his ride and as a result the future has become affected, as exemplified by K-10 the robot dog turning into KIT-9 the robot kitty.
The UAL, the UAA and the now AAA are at war. The three groups are all at war with each other of what Atheists should call themselves. While the battle rages on, KIT-9 suggests that Cartman try calling the wife of the smartest man in all of history, the one called Garrison. Cartman makes the call and Dawkins picks up the phone in midst of their lovemaking. When Dawkins finds out that Garrison had a sex change operation he becomes disgusted with himself for being so stupid. In the future things have changed and Cartman is told that “isms” have

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been gotten rid of, since they usually lead to violence. Cartman is sent back home to the past and he   Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire is reminded that “no one single answer is the answer.” Back at home, Cartman is outside EV games and tells his mother that he has learned to be patient, that is until he finds out that it is two months until the Nintendo Wii comes out.

orca 3.orc.002002 Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Synopsis

When a talking Orca whale, named Willzyx, speaks to Kyle and the boys, they’re desperate to get him to his home on the moon. With some help from the other kids of South Park, they risk everything when they break in to the Sea Park and steal him from his tank. Now all they need is a foreign nation that will launch a stolen whale in to space.  Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Full Recap

The boys are at Sea Park in Denver where they are watching the antics of Jamboo, an Orca or “killer whale”. While the other boys go elsewhere, Kyle wants to study the whale in more detail; while getting a closer look at Jamboo, Kyle is surprised to hear the whale speak. Jamboo’s voice is actually being provided by one of the hosts of the whale show, he and his partner are bored and taking great delight in playing a practical joke. Jamboo tells Kyle about his dream to one day go to space in a big rocket ship. Kyle runs off to find the other boys. He brings them back to the tank, but for now Jamboo remains silent. The bored hosts realize that their audience has returned, and Jamboo, whose real name is “Willzyx” is from the moon and if he doesn’t get back their soon to be with his wife and family, he will die. That’s enough for the boys, when they get back home they rally the other boys to help them liberate Jamboo. They put together a plan that involves the pool from Clyde’s backyard, Timmy’s wheelchair, the Russian government and all of their skateboards. The boys sneak into Sea Park and manage to free Jamboo. Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire The next morning at the Sea Park the hosts start panicking when they realize that the boys from South Park are responsible for the whale-napping.
In Russia, they are looking for a way to raise money and they take a call from Kyle who wants to hire them to take Willzyx to the moon. When they give their price of $20 million, Kyle tries to explain what they are really trying to do. The Russians interpret his explanation as a crank call from George Bush. The boys decide to shop around for a 3rd world country with a cheaper space program and they need to hide the whale. Since everyone is on the lookout for the whale, if it remains outside, eventually someone will see it. At the Sea Park in Denver, protesters from the ALF (Animal Liberation Front) have gathered to applaud the whale liberators. The Sea Park hosts are in Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire South Park looking for the whale, they find the pool behind Clyde’s house, but see that the whale and the boys are gone. The whale is inside, in Kyle’s bedroom to be exact, where the boys are keeping him wet. Kyle is the on the phone to Japan while Jimmy, Timmy and Tweek are at the Chinese Embassy, but everyone’s price is too high. Stan and Craig are in Mexico, where they find that MASA (Mexican Aeronáutica y Spacia Administración) will take their whale to the moon for $200. The Sea Park hosts find out that the boys are going to Tijuana.
The boys are on the road to Tijuana, when their truck is stopped by the two Sea Park hosts. The hosts are about ready to tell the boys the truth, when the police arrive, but the ALF comes to their rescue as the whale is saved in a hail of gunfire. The ALF leader drives the van for the boys as they resume their trip to Tijuana. In Tijuana, the rocket is being prepared. The leader and the boys crash through the Mexican border and the boys work on getting the whale into the water. They get the whale into the water and the ALF is declaring victory, when to their surprise, the manager of Sea Park and everyone else present, they watch the Mexican rocket get launched into space, with a whale in tow. The boys celebrate their victory; meanwhile, on the moon, an asphyxiated whale lays lifeless.

archaeological dig 8.ad.008 Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Synopsis

Mr. Garrison takes his class on an archaeological dig for arrowheads. Cartman finds a mysterious triangle and the kids get on TV about this important discovery, which captures the attention of Leonard Maltin. He comes to South Park to warn about Barbra Streisand’s desire to get the triangle. Barbra Streisand comes to South Park and tries to get the triangle from the kids. Barbra finally get the other triangle and becomes Mecha-Streisand, Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire wreaking havoc upon the town. Maltin tells Chef to call Robert Smith of The Cure to come to the rescue.

Full Recap

The children are on an archaeological dig and Cartman finds a magic triangle, but throws it away. Kyle picks it up Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire and gets media attention for his discovery. Kyle takes it home and hides it. At school, Leonard Maltin asks Chef is he has seen Barbra Streisand around. Meanwhile, the boys are making a snowman and are visited by Ms. Streisand. She asks them about the triangle. Chef and Leonard Maltin search for the children and/or Barbra Streisand. Barbra in the meantime reveals that she has the companion triangle, hoping to complete the set and allowing for the “dawn of Zinthar.”
Cartman breaks into Kyle’s bedroom to get the triangle back. Kyle gives it to him. Chef and Leonard Maltin keep looking for Streisand’s mountain condo. Chef demands to know what it is all about. Matlin tells him about Streisand’s plan to get the other triangle, join it with the one she has completing the “The Diamond of Pantios” and allowing her to become Mecha-Streisand. Streisand tries to trick the boys out of the triangle. Cartman agrees to sell her the triangle. Back in Hollywood, Sidney Poitier hears about “The Triangle of Zinthar” being found. Streisand has the boys held captive, trying to get the location of the triangle from them. Maltin and Chef are about to give up the search, when Maltin senses her presence. Cartman gives up the triangle and the “The Diamond of Pantios” is completed and Streisand transforms into Mecha-Streisand.
Mecha-Streisand starts reeking havoc on the town of South Park. Maltin and Chef find the boys and discover that Streisand has completed the triangle. Maltin needs to get down to business, so he asks Chef to call Robert Smith of The Cure for additional help. The military (with Uncle Jimbo and Ned) try attacking Mecha-Streisand to no avail. Leonard Maltin arrives in town and transforms himself into a super-being that looks kind of like “Ultraman”. Kenny dies and then Sidney Poitier arrives on the scene, transforming himself into a super-being that looks kind of like “Gamera.” Maltin and Poitier try attacking Mecha-Streisand, but are no match for Mecha-Streisand. Robert Smith Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire arrives on the scene and transforms himself into a super-being that looks kind of like “Mothra.” Using his “Robot Punch”, Smith manages to knock the “The Diamond of Pantios” out of Mecha-Streisand allow him to defeat her by throwing her into outer space, where she explodes.
The boys throw the two triangles away, but Ike picks them out of the trash, creating Mecha-Ike as the episode closes.
Kenny dies when a tetherball he hits swings around and grabs him by the throat thus hanging him.